Every Parent's Choice: To Persevere or to Please

Parenting is a commitment for a lifetime that really is the most humbling, challenging, transforming process I have ever experienced. The first three years Mark and I were married, I was dying to have a little, cuddly baby. When seminary was behind us and we moved to Virginia to begin ministering there, I was ecstatically expecting! I dreamed of how fulfilling my life would be as the caregiver and spiritual guru to such a tiny blessing. I glared at the people who said, "You better enjoy your quiet while you have it because once that baby comes life will never be the same." I thought, "How dare they say such negative words about my little angel who I am sure is going to add nothing but joy to my life!" 

I went on to have two miscarriages before Josh was born.  I had one more miscarriage after Josh and then was blessed with Hannah and Elizabeth (22 months apart). I learned a lot through those miscarriages. I released those children to God through suffering and surrender. This breaking process caused me to see that God never meant for my children to be my fulfillment. Only God can fill me up. I may be Josh, Hannah, and Lizzie's mom, but my identity is in Christ. 

What I didn't see coming all those years ago, was that a one-time surrender would not be enough. Surrender would need to be moment by moment. God calls us to teach, train, love, and discipline the children that He entrusts to us.  It is no fairy tale. It is truth, love, and training through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And if you are a parent, sometimes it is ugly. It is not a job without challenge or with a "money back" guarantee. It is a calling and only God has the manual for how it is done. It is daily and changes all the time. It is about sacrifice and surrender whether I am tired or I feel like it. 

For a non-confronting, "let's make everyone happy" girl, it is only by the grace and conviction of God that it gets done! So why all this rambling about parenting? You see, I want to be the voice that says, I get it! I want to look out at all the faces in the pews on Sunday morning and say, "You know, I bet they struggle too and I should pray harder, show mercy more, and love without judgment." I have deep compassion for those who are barren, for those who have miscarried, for those who feel they have failed completely. Why? Because I have been humbled. Because I see without God, it is impossible. Because I see, apart from God I can appear to have all the answers and put on a good show, but the harsh reality is that I am nothing on my own.  I need God desperately to speak wisdom to me, refresh me, love me unconditionally, and give me the conviction I need to "stay the course!" 

I am more convinced than ever that I need the presence of God more than anything in my life. There is no perfect parent and there is no perfect child, but the presence of God changes both. I am continuing to pray that God develops convictions based on His Word in each of my kids' lives. I realize that lecturing is my word and sounds good to me, but they need His Word to stand on for life. 

I want to say to you, pray as a parent, gather around trusted friends to pray with you, weep with you and rejoice with you. Pray with your husband, pray with your kids, pray as a family and determine to persevere until the harvest comes! I have been praying Galatians 6:9 lately, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 

Persevere friend! Let's do it God's way to produce the harvest He has planned, not just clean, polite, public showpieces. God wants a generation that rises up and says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD!" Prayer and perseverance are the keys to stay the course and leave the results to God. He is the voice behind us saying "This is the way, walk in it!" (Is. 30:21)

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